Technology & Tears

Done In 

A poem by Analynn Riley

February 2018

Tablet attached to air

Hidden wavelengths

Data at my fingertips

Access world

Internet convenience

Lovin’ it >

Internet faulty

Help

Internet down—time for coffee

Coping >

Tablet truculent

Files missing

Fingertips scrambling for data

Palms sweating

Panic

Devastated

Stomach churning

Life on miniscule bits of sandquartzsilicon—lost

Head pounding

Brain scrambling

Desperate

Vulnerable

Tears

Rolling With the Punches

I don’t cry easily. Life has thrown me copious curve balls, so I’ve learned to roll with the punches > EXCEPT when my computer fails.

It’s bad enough that our internet miscarries repeatedly, but then there’s little to nothing I can do about it > internet provider issue(s) > so why fret! Rather, enjoy some java while practicing patience.

Whereas > when my computer acts up, I’m quick to wonder what I might have done to cause the problem or what I could have done to avoid it. I take full responsibility for its function, and therein lies one of my errors in thinking. By now, one would hope I’d realize that it has a mind of its own.

Recently > I had to reset my computer because of its quirky behaviour. The reset promised that my files would not be affected.

After cleansing the processor of its erratic performance, folders disappeared > folders that held info needed at that precise moment for a pressing project! Other files disappeared as well > files and photos that chronicled the past few years of life events!

Sure, I believe in backing up my files. Ever sit down to write an email or Facebook post and suddenly an hour slips by? That describes my effort to backup files > an hour of honest intention morphing into days, weeks, and months. My bad

Technology Knockouts

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I know that technology is not to be fully trusted. I understand that we live in a world of the temporal. I’m the first to comfort others who experience disappointments with technology, always assuring them that things will work out. However, all the knowing, understanding and placating make little difference when one is subjected to a direct hit by technology, whether that be the tangible hard-drive and software aspects or the ethereal internet.

Concerning my knockout, I followed computer recovery protocols and my folders were accessible in due course. My project deadline was eventually met.

Internet? Probably time to notify CCTS >

Heartbeat and stomach acid subsided, I am still reeling from recognizing how dependent I have become on technology. A simple digital malfunction did me in. Okay, so I only had one of the 13 common symptoms of a panic attack, but I continue to shake my head at the desperate feelings of helplessness and loss that instantly replaced creative productivity when my computer acted up during failed internet service.

Autonomy Lost?

Regarding the internet > Electromagnetic energy (EMR), imperceptible to the naked eye, is defined as wavelengths known to impact our bodies, emotions, and subsequently our minds, leaving us in some ways victims of the ethereal. One question worth asking is, does EMR now target our brains directly, the computer being the portal for the toxic energy, this then further impacting our bodies and emotions?

Are we so intimately entangled with wavelengths and software that we’ve lost true autonomy?

I will purchase another portable hard drive (more technology) to back up current files that I am obviously very attached to, and further avoid reliance on Cloud storage capabilities > a hit and miss on the best of days with our temperamental internet service >. I will continue to be vigilant in my internet use, and in how I store data on my computer. This will hopefully help to mask or maybe even replace feelings of helplessness with some sense of autonomy in my work.

Attachments & Independence

In essence, nothing much has changed since my recent brush with EMR, except that:

  • I am in the process of reprogramming my thinking and responses so that I will remain confident that the things/files/computer functions I view as important are kept in perspective.

  • I’ll probably go old-school with some files > hard copies placed in a fire-proof safe.

  • I am revisiting my spiritual training that encourages one to be fully aware of that which one attaches to.

  • In order to not be caught with my pants down should internet access fail or my computer be fussy when trying to meet a deadline, I’ll ensure my library of reference books is handy and up to date alongside paper and pen.

I’m not one to give up or ignore technology. It’s something I’ve welcomed into my life with open arms since the ‘80s. I’m attached to it and it’s attached to me. But, I also embrace independence, autonomy.

How does one best marry technology and autonomy? Stats say 50% of marriages don’t last. Does this also apply to our attachment to technology?

We are encouraged to have barriers with people that are attached to our lives, so perhaps barriers are needed with technology as well. I’m not sure what additional barriers I can or will place on my enchantment and interaction with technology, but I do know that I don’t want to be in tears again over tangible things attached to air and sand.


Resources:

  1. http://www.qrg.northwestern.edu/projects/vss/docs/space-environment/2-what-is-electromagnetic-radiation.html
  2. https://www.technologyreview.com/s/532346/laser-radio-links-upgrade-the-internet/
  3. http://www.ic.gc.ca/eic/site/ic-gc.nsf/eng/07422.html
  4. https://imagine.gsfc.nasa.gov/science/toolbox/emspectrum1.html
  5. https://www.livescience.com/38169-electromagnetism.html
  6. https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/panic-disorder-agoraphobia/symptoms#
  7. https://www.anxietybc.com/adults/panic-disorder

PANIC ATTACK: A panic attack is the abrupt onset of intense fear or discomfort that reaches a peak within minutes and includes at least four of the following symptoms:

  • Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate
  • Sweating
  • Trembling or shaking
  • Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering
  • Feelings of choking
  • Chest pain or discomfort
  • Nausea or abdominal distress
  • Feeling dizzy, unsteady, light-headed, or faint
  • Chills or heat sensations
  • Paresthesia (numbness or tingling sensations)
  • Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself) 
  • Fear of losing control or “going crazy”
  • Fear of dying
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http://www.analynnriley.com